HOCD what keeps me obsessing (trigger)

Share your experiences and questions about OCD here. Discussions about any type of OCD is welcome, including sexual obsessions (like sexual orientation OCD, also called SO-OCD or HOCD).

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HOCD what keeps me obsessing (trigger)

Postby messiahchatterbox » Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:09 am

About a year and a half ago, me and a same sex buddy had a threesome with this girl and it happened a few times. At first, I wasn't up for it and was hesitant but I finally gave in and agreed. Might I add we never did stuff to one another.

Anyways, long story short, I went down on her after he had been inside her, kissed her after she had sucked him off.. Pretty much his junk has been in my mouth by proxy. What sucks even more is that I've ruminated and obsessed whether or not I liked him more than a friend (and gotten responses that I hope I didn't want) which sets off more sh*t. The last time it happened, I was giving her oral and some clumpy sh*t fell into my mouth, I spat it out on the collar of my flannel and kept going. The thought of it being another dudes load passed through my mind but I passed it off as lotion or something.. But it didn't freak me out, why? After it was all done, I went into the bathroom and looked at my collar and it looked like dried semen. Again, I didn't freak out but I started going down the rabbit hole of it all. Come to find out, it was only discharge. But why didn't I come to a complete halt when the passing thought of another mans jizz falling into my mouth? Like I was okay with it?

I feel like a true straight guy wouldn't have done the things I've done in those circumstances. Kissing her after his dick has already been inside it, eating her out after his dick has been it... I pretty much sucked his fucking dick by proxy. It won't leave me alone. More and more signs keep arising. I wanna die.
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